Author’s note: Part of this email was written a week prior to September 1st.
We're less than a week away from 'back-to-school' in this house and let me tell you, tensions are high. Not having the self-awareness yet to perhaps express their BTS anxiety, my kids seem to be oscillating between one of two modes: clinging or bickering. After a whole heck of a lot of pulling in just to push away again, I feel like I've been on a rowing machine of emotion. My back hurts (when doesn't it though, let's be real), but I'm hanging in. I feel for them. Every year it's new and scary and they leave home morning after morning for 180 mornings at the mercy of whatever the day brings.
It’s a lot and I'm oscillating too. Because as much as I enjoy the quiet that settles in with the dust that the bus leaves behind (there's no silence quite like it), I also miss them. Am I legally allowed to say that? Sometimes I wonder in a culture that seems to only celebrate their absence. They'll crush another year with a smile on their face (most days), and I can't begin to muster up the energy that takes.
August was weird. When it wasn’t raining, it felt like fall, with it’s tang of woodsmoke and goldenrod gleaming along the fence line. Yet there was an urgency that only August contains. A hysteria to fit in more, but get organized for; to make the most of, but look forward to, and always with a dreaded steeling for the what I call the –ber month slide. August felt like I had a case of the vapors.
September has arrived. And as much as I’m ready for school days to return, I’m not ready for all that returns with it. Don’t get me wrong, fall is my capital F, Favorite. Like any born and bred New England girl, I live for autumn days. But somehow now, in a strange trick that I can only blame on adulthood, whenever I open the door to welcome it in, it already feels like it’s gone. Autumn is ephemeral just like the rest of the seasons, but we grasp at its days like a last meal, frantically bingeing before the lean days of winter arrive.
Yet answer the door we will. And we’ll take a seat at the table for some bites to be savored and others we can barely choke down. We’ll cue up JT’s Secret O’ Life and dance with September under the light of the Harvest Moon. It’s just a lovely ride.
.
"Sometimes the desire to be lost again, as long ago, comes over me like a vapor."
MARY OLIVER
Books I'm reading:
Walking In This World by Julie Cameron, nonfiction (Julie also wrote the Artist’s Way, and this is similar so far but with more ambulation.)
Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders and the Birth of the FBI by David Grann, nonfiction
Devotions by Mary Oliver, poetry
Place we've been exploring: Notchview Reservation, Windsor (aka “fairy land”)
Something that's giving me pause:
This quote from singer Neko Case: “It’s still peak fly time and the horses are clenching for the die-off to begin. I am too. Big spider season has begun and they are here for the flies too. I salute them often. Thanks, ladies! The monarch babies are just starting to show their hungry selves here on the conservation farm. The jewelweed pods are bursting and the goldenrod is neon yellow, I smell autumn sometimes and I get that excitement deep down. It’s a satisfying pang. Back to school, but I don’t actually have to go. But you know, I wish I did?
What does that autumn smell do to you? Do you feel excitement? Possibility? Or just pressure and dread? Or do you feel nothing?”
September’s Playlist >> The Vapors
Current Obsessions:
Ben Cosgrove’s music for focus, flow, and general relaxation.
Trader Joe’s licorice (I think I’ve said it before, but it bears a re-mention, shit is goood.)
The Notion app. I love it so much. When I remember to use it.
Stay in motion,
Tay
UPCOMING HIKES
Housatonic Heritage Family Hike at The Pines Community Forest in Dalton
Sunday, September 3rd, 10:00 am - 11:30 am
Join Taylor Staubach of Berkshire Family Hikes and the Dalton Open Space & Recreation Committee for a family-friendly hike around The Pines property in Dalton. Discover the history of the land and learn about the current work being done to create an accessible recreational trail for all. 1.5 hours, ~2-miles. Meet and start from the Dalton Senior Center, 40 Field Street, Dalton GPS 42.4745,-73.1666.
To register, email – taylor@berkshirefamilyhikes.com
Family Fall Discovery Hike at The Old Mill Trail, Hinsdale
Saturday, September 30, 10:00 am – 11:30 am
What trees turn red? How about yellow or orange? Join Berkshire Family Hikes for a morning of exploration along the Old Mill Trail.
Let’s Hike! with South Berkshire Kids
Thursday, September 7th and 14th at 10 a.m., Golden Hill Town Forest, Lee.
Join us for a parent/child hike! We will explore and observe nature during this outdoor classroom style program. Learn a few tips on how to hike with children!
This is a registered program only and spots are limited, so email Jess at southberkshirekids@gmail.com with the number of children and adults that would like to attend.
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